Dashing Dad After Dark: The Silent Tears We Hide

Welcome to "Dashing Dad After Dark," a special segment on my Instagram stories where we dive deep into your anonymous questions, rants, and stories. If you haven't yet, check out the latest highlights on my Instagram to get a taste of what this is all about.

The beauty and curse of Instagram is its brevity. While it's perfect for quick exchanges, it often leaves much to be explored. That's why I've decided to bring some of these discussions here to the blog, where we can delve deeper into your submissions and offer more comprehensive advice. As always, your feedback is welcomed in the comments.

Submission: I just cried in my spouse's arms without them noticing because I feel like I am failing at all aspects of my life. Society also doesn’t help.

There’s something profoundly heavy about feeling like you’re failing—failing at work, at home, in your relationships, and at life in general. This week, someone shared a deeply vulnerable moment about crying in their spouse’s arms without them even noticing, overwhelmed by the weight of their struggles and the suffocating pressure of society’s expectations. It’s a moment so many of us can relate to, yet so few of us talk about.

Capitalism has a way of making us feel like we should always be striving for more—more success, more productivity, more perfection. And when we don’t measure up to those impossible standards, it can feel like we’re falling short in every area of our lives. We internalize that failure, hiding it from the very people who love us most. But why do we feel the need to conceal these emotions from our partners, the people who are supposed to be our safe space?

The pressure to "have it all together" is exhausting. The person who shared this story gave us a window into that familiar experience—putting on a brave face while silently crumbling inside. It's a moment that highlights not only the struggle of living up to societal expectations but also the deep fear of being vulnerable, even with those we trust the most.

To the person who submitted this: you are not alone. The feelings of failure are valid, and crying—whether noticed or not—isn't a sign of weakness. It’s a release, a way to let out the overwhelming emotions that society tells us to bottle up. You’re not failing; you’re human. Life’s demands can feel insurmountable at times, but acknowledging those feelings is the first step toward healing. You deserve compassion, both from yourself and from those around you.

So, how do we move forward from this place of overwhelm?

1. Open Up to Your Partner: It may feel terrifying to be vulnerable, but the first step is sharing what’s on your mind with your partner. Start small. You don’t have to unload everything at once, but letting them in on how you’re feeling can relieve some of the emotional burden. Your partner might be unaware of how deeply you're struggling. Even a simple, "I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed lately and could use some support," can open the door to deeper conversations. I would try to have tangible action items of ways they could support you this week. This could be anything from handling dinners this week to just holding space before bedtime to check-in. Asking for support without explaining what that looks like is often the reason we end up disappointed. 

2. Journal About Your Wins: When you’re feeling like a failure, it’s easy to get stuck in a negative thought loop. But there are things you’re doing right—every day. Start journaling about the small victories: the tasks you completed, the moments you showed up for someone, or even the times you took care of yourself. Writing these down even in the notes on your phone helps reframe your mindset and reminds you that you’re not failing as much as you think. Acknowledging your strengths and successes, no matter how small, can give you a clearer perspective on your life.

3. Take Time for Self-Compassion: Society may demand perfection, but you don’t have to. Be gentle with yourself. Recognize that everyone has tough days, and those tough days don’t define your worth. We are living in a world of isolation where most of us are drowning trying to keep up with life. It’s okay to ask for help, to cry, and to not have everything figured out. You deserve the same compassion you give to others.

Have you ever felt like you're failing under society’s expectations? How do you cope? Let’s keep this conversation going—your story could be the one that helps someone else feel a little less alone.