Dashing Dad After Dark: It Feels Like He Doesn't Give A Shit

Welcome to "Dashing Dad After Dark," a special segment on my Instagram stories where we dive deep into your anonymous questions, rants, and stories. If you haven't yet, check out the latest highlights on my Instagram to get a taste of what this is all about.

The beauty and curse of Instagram is its brevity. While it's perfect for quick exchanges, it often leaves much to be explored. That's why I've decided to bring some of these discussions here to the blog, where we can delve deeper into your submissions and offer more comprehensive advice. As always, your feedback is welcomed in the comments.

The Forgotten Anniversary

"Hubby forgot our anniversary two years in a row. I know he has ADHD but after the first time, you could use a Google Calendar, get someone else to remind you etc. Feels like he just doesn't give a shit even though he says that's not it."  

— Anonymous

This submission has been on my mind lately because it touches on a common issue in many relationships. My initial reaction was empathy: "Aw man, that doesn't feel good. Especially if you've expressed how important it is to you. I'm sorry." But let's unpack this further.

One follower offered an interesting perspective: "Females act like it's the male's duty to acknowledge their anniversary, but it's both of their anniversaries so why doesn't she try communicating a few days ahead: 'It's our anniversary coming up, what should we do?'"

I think it goes both ways and at the heart of any relationship is communication. As time goes on, many partners fall into the trap of thinking, "They should just know." This unspoken expectation often leads to disappointment and resentment.

I think ADHD can definitely impact your husband's ability to remember important dates as it can affect executive function, which includes skills like planning, organization, and memory. However, his inability not to remember isn't the problem here, it's the fact you've communicated your hurt after the first forgotten anniversary and he's done nothing actionable to make change. What you're really seeking is to feel valued and cared for, to know that what's important to you is important to your partner as well.

If, ultimately, what you want is connection and to feel loved, then there's still an opportunity to get that. Perhaps a shared calendar with a reminder for important dates like your birthday and anniversary. Or like that one follower suggested, ask a week before what your husband wants to do. If you want him to take care of the planning, or to surprise you, those things can still happen, but communicating beforehand sets you both up for success without the resentment when things don't go as you imagined.

After two years of hosting "Dashing Dad After Dark," one recurring theme is the frustration stemming from unspoken expectations and lack of communication. Many issues could be avoided or resolved by having open and honest conversations beforehand.

However, if you've tried these strategies and still feel a lack of effort from your partner, it might be time for a different conversation—one that could involve professional help, like therapy or a divorce lawyer lol.

Good luck and remember, communication is the cornerstone of any strong relationship.

-Matt